Despite how inept our language may seem in addressing tragedy, words do have the power to rescue us. When I lost my first baby at nearly six months pregnant, I turned to others’ stories about baby loss, grief, and the difficult choices sometimes required. I needed memoir—real testimonies by real women who were surviving what felt unsurvivable. They all differ somewhat from my story, so I have written down mine as well. In the meantime, I hope this list of books, personal essays and articles, blogs, videos, and retreats helps you or someone you know. This list grows and changes; if a piece of work helped you, please contact me as I’d love to share it here.

BOOKS:

• They Were Still Born: Personal Stories About Stillbirth by Janel C. Atlas 
• On Coming Alive: Journaling Through Grief by Lexi Behrndt
• The Art of Waiting: On Fertility, Medicine, and Motherhood by Belle Boggs
• When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
• Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy After Loss by Alexis Marie Chute
• Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala
• The Year of Magical Thinking and Blue Nights by Joan Didion
• Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Define Your Own Happy Ending by Justine Brooks Froelker
• Say Her Name by Francisco Goldman
• Comfort by Ann Hood
• Unspeakable Losses: Healing from Miscarriage, Abortion, and Other Pregnancy Loss by Kim Kluger-Bell
• The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy
• Invisible Mothers: When Love Doesn’t Die by Emily R. Long
• An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken
• Finding Hope When a Child Dies: What Other Cultures Can Teach Us by Sukie Miller, Ph.D.
• Poor Your Soul, by Mira Ptacin
• Vessels: A Love Story by Daniel Raeburn
• The Still Point of the Turning World by Emily Rapp
• Three Minus One: Stories of Parents’ Love and Loss, an anthology inspired by the film Return to Zero.
• After This by Claire Bidwell Smith
• Swimming with Maya by Eleanor Vincent
• Holding Silvan: A Brief Life by Monica Wesolowska
• The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch

PERSONAL ESSAYS/ARTICLES:

Grief:

• “Grief Work,” by Kelly Abbott, Medium
• “Grief Is Not Broken,” by Elea Acheson, The Huffington Post
• “What Suffering Does” by David Brooks, The New York Times
• “Dear Kate: Living with Grief,” by Nancy Comiskey, Indianapolis Monthly
• “Giving into Grief,” by Franchesca Cox, Still Standing Magazine
• “The Silent Grief of Miscarriage and Stillbirth,” by Amanda M.Czerniawski, Scary Mommy
• “Ask, Don’t Tell: How to Help Someone in Grief,” by Megan Devine, Refuge in Grief: Emotionally Intelligent Grief Support
• “‘Shouldn’t You Be over That By Now?’ How to Respond to Judgment on Your Grieving Process,” by Megan Devine, The Huffington Post
• “Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason,” by Tim Lawrence, The Adversity Within: Shining Light on Dark Places
• “Thanksgiving in Mongolia,” by Ariel Levy, The New Yorker
• “Momento Mori,” by David Malham, The New York Times
• “My Silent Grief” by Deb Millard, Still Standing Magazine: Surviving Child Loss and Infertility
• “This I Am Allowed” by Vicky Mlyniec, Brevity
• “Getting Made (In Honor of Ronan Louis and Emily Rapp)” by Jennifer Pastiloff, The Rumpus
• “Shadows and Ghosts: Batman, Thomas Cromwell, and the Corporation of Yaddo” by Emily Rapp, The Rumpus
• “Rick Santorum, Meet My Son” by Emily Rapp, Slate
• “This Mother’s Day, I Am No Longer A Mother” by Emily Rapp, Role/Reboot
• “Grief Magic” by Emily Rapp, The Rumpus
• “My son is not the poster child for the Right to Life movement,” by Emily Rapp, Salon
• “Coming to Terms,” by Emily Rapp Black, Modern Loss
• “Mourning Option A,” by Sheryl Sandberg, Modern Loss
• “Grief Landscapes,” by Mindy Sticke, Modern Loss

Miscarriage:

• “LITTLE SPARROW: S. Lynn Alderman on Miscarriage,” Mutha Magazine
• “Thank you, Mark and Priscilla, for Sharing About Pregnancy Loss,” by Anna Almendrala, The Huffington Post
• “When the Raspberries Come,” by Rebecca Altman, Brain, Child
• “December is here, but my baby is not,” by Jenn Press Arata, Motherwell
• “When You’re Having a Miscarriage, But Have To Go To Work Anyway,” by Zahra Barnes, SELF
• “What I Want You to Know About My Miscarriage: A Conversation with Jennifer Chen,” by Nicole Belanger
• “The Miscarriage Taboo – A culture of silence can make it even harder for women to make sense of losing a pregnancy,” by Holly Cave, The Atlantic
• “Why I Don’t Want My Miscarriage to Stay Secret,” by Jennifer Chen, BuzzFeed
• “The Japanese Art of Grieving a Miscarriage,” by Angela Elson, The New York Times
• “Shoebox – 21 of 100,” by Sky England, skileskatharine.com
• “Miscarriage. Some needles. And, a pregnancy,” by Sky England, Little Mother’s Helper
• “The Best Advice I Received After My Miscarriage: When I lost my child, I found so many unexpected allies—and their words helped,” by Asher Fogle, Good Housekeeping
• “The Wait: On the interminable two weeks between a bad sonogram and the end of a pregnancy,” by Jessica Grose, Lenny Letter
• “Until It Bleeds Like We Do,” by Caroline Horwitz, Brain, Child
• “The Face of Miscarriage,” by Soniah Kamal, The New York Times
• “Unpregnant: The silent, secret grief of miscarriage,” by Alexandra Kimball, The Globe and Mail
• “After a Miscarriage, Seeking Permission to Grieve,” by Mary K. Moore, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “Simone Dinnerstein On A Trip To Cuba And Making Music Out Of Difficulty,” by NPR Staff, NPR Music
• “After a Miscarriage: The Perils of an Ordinary Day,” by Meagan Schultz, mke moms blog
• “Dear Sugar, The Rumpus Advice Column #44: How You Get Unstuck,” by Cheryl Strayed, The Rumpus
• “I Was Pregnant, And Then I Wasn’t,” by Laura Turner, BuzzFeed
• “I had a miscarriage. Talk to me,” by Jessica Zucker, The Washington Post
• “Saying it Loudly: I Had a Miscarriage,” by Jessica Zucker, The New York Times’ Motherlode

Stillbirth:

• “Australian parents tell their stillbirth stories,” ABC Australia
• “Short Story,” by Angie, Glow in the Woods
• “Portraits of love: Photos first step in healing process for grieving parents,” by Tammy Asnicar, Mail Tribune
• “On Holding Her and Photos,” by Melisas Ayala, Still Mothers
• “In the aftermath of trauma, feeling the embrace of ‘the Dark Sisterhood’,” by Katie Coyle, The Dallas Morning News
• “Keep Your Heart Open to Love When Life Knocks You Down,” by Alison Crosthwait, Tiny Buddha
• “A Stillbirth’s Living Silver Linings,” by KJ Dell’Antonia, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “The Story of Callan,” by Rebecca Yang Doherty, Medium
• “The Unique Grief of Losing Your First Born to Stillbirth,” by Lindsey Henke, Still Standing
• “Stillbirth in the 21st century? It happens,” by Laura Johnston, The Washington Post
• “Confronting the Sorry and Silence of Stillbirth,” by Mireya Navarro, The New York Times‘ Lens
• “After a Stillbirth, a Silent Delivery Room,” by Jessica Naudziunas and Margaret Cheatham Williams about Dr. Elani Michailidis & “Stillbirth: Your Stories,”  The New York Times
• “notes 2013-07-27,” by Chase Reeves, tumbler
• “If You Have Learned Your Baby Has Died/Helping You Through the Process,” Return to Zero Center for Healing
• “Heartfelt plea from loss mom inspires all parents to treasure every moment,” by Tara Shafer, BabyCenter Blog
• “A Photo of a Stillborn Baby, Proof of Life, and Grief and Memory,” by Tara Shafer, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “Motherhood Mondays: I had a stillborn baby,” by Kate Suddes, A Cup of Jo

Heartbreaking Decisions:

• “I Terminated My Much-Wanted Pregnancy,” by Blane Bachelor, BuzzFeed
• “Knocked Over: On Biology, Magical Thinking, and Choice” by Martha Bayne, The Rumpus
• “Women Who Experience ‘A Socially Unacceptable Kind of Grief’ Find Community Online,” by Tara Culp-Ressler, Think Progress
• “The abortion that allowed me to be a mom,” by Paola Dragnic, BuzzFeed 
• “A Voice for Shelby” by Erin Greenough, A Heartbreaking Choice
• “‘We Have No Choice’: One Woman’s Ordeal with Texas’ New Sonogram Law,” by Carolyn Jones, Texas Observer
• “Why I had an abortion,” by Trish Karter, The Boston Globe
• “The Only Good Abortion Is My Abortion” by Maggie Koerth-Baker, Boing Boing
• “The Most Difficult Decision of My Life,” by Catalina Kulczar-Marin, A Cup of Jo
• “My Late-Term Abortion: The unexpected letting go of a baby—and a professional identity—halfway through pregnancy.” by Alexis K. Miller, Washingtonian
• “A mom’s moving story perfectly illustrates why a 20-week abortion ban is a bad idea,” Parker Molloy, Upworthy
• “My Abortion, at 23 Weeks,” by Judy Nicastro, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “Un-bearing” by Mira Ptacin, Guernica
• “Here We Go On” by Mira Ptacin, The Rumpus
• “When Is It Right to Let Your Unborn Baby Die?” by Eugenie Samuel Rich, Slate
• “The Pregnancy Is Gone, but the Promotions Keep Coming,” by April Salazar, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “Why This Woman Chose Abortion—at 29 Weeks,” by Kate Sheppard, Mother Jones
• “Egyptian Abortion, American Choice” by Sheila Sundar, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “Interview With a Woman Who Recently Had an Abortion at 32 Weeks,” by Jia Tolentino, Jezebel
• “We spent months brazing and preparing for the death of our daughter. But guess what? We weren’t ready,” by Royce Young, Medium

Infant Loss:

• “Infant Loss Awareness: A Letter to Grieving Moms,” by Lexi Behrndt, Scribbles & Crumbs, ABC News
• “I sang to my son,” by KC, Glow in the Woods
• “A Baby Dies at Day Care, and a Mother Asks Why She Had to Leave Him So Soon,” by Amber Scorah, The New York Times‘ Motherlode
• “Ava’s Story,” by Michelle Watson, TRIBE de MAMA

Infertility/IVF/Secondary Infertility:

• “Not Everyone Gets a Rainbow,” by Raeanne Frederckson, Still Standing Magazine
• Ever Upward: Top Posts, by Justine Brooks Froelker
• “The Loneliness of Infertility,” by Anna Hecker, Elle
• Fertility Diary (series), by Amy Klein, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “On Being Grateful—My Struggle with Infertility,” by Jessica, Winchester Wife
• The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies, by Randine Lewis
• “My friends were popping out babies in their 40s. Couldn’t I be next?” by Elana Rabinowitz, The Washington Post

By/For Fathers:

• “What Does Fatherhood Really Mean?” by Alexis Marie Chute, Wanted Chosen Planned
• “A Father’s Love: Promises For My Angel,” by Chris Duffy, Stillbirth Matters
• From Dads Who Know, Pregnancy After Loss Support
• “Vessels,” by Daniel Raeburn, The New Yorker, May 1, 2006
• “Miscarriage from the father’s perspective,” by Chase Reeves, Medium
• “On Patience, Grief,” by Levi Rogers, Lunch Ticket, March 4, 2016
• “Vessels: A Love Story,” by Tara Shafer, Still Standing Magazine
• “Denied,” by Charles Vestel, Medium

Pregnancy After Loss:

• Celebrating Pregnancy Again: Restoring the lost joys of pregnancy after the loss of a child, by Franchesca Cox
• “The Ultrasound During Pregnancy After Loss,” by Rachel Freedman, Pregnancy After Loss Support
• “What No One Ever Tells You About Having a Miscarriage,” by Haley Jude, Marie Claire
• Healing Grace Child Birth Services
• “Waiting to Love My Child” by Heather Kirn Lanier, Salon
• “Different Shades of Heartache,” by Tara May for Brief Encounters
• “The Panic of Dreaming,” by Valerie Meek, Pregnancy After Loss Support
• “The PAL Dad’s Anxiety: An Illustration,” by Valerie Meek, Meek Manor
• Pregnancy After Loss Support
• “‘Dragon Mother’ Emily Rapp: A New Baby Doesn’t, and Shouldn’t, Replace What’s Lost,” by Emily Rapp, The New York Times’ Motherlode
• “What I Wish My Doctors (and Other Medical Professionals) Knew About Pregnancy Loss,” by Alana Rosenstein, The Huffington Post
• “Pregnancy After Miscarriage,” by Meagan Schultz, mke moms blog
• “What to expect during a pregnancy after a pregnancy loss, an illustrated guide,” by Jessica Zucker and Ryan Alexander-Tanner, The Washington Post

Parenting After Loss:

• “On Parenting Through Heartache,” by Lexi Behrndt, Scribbles & Crumbs
• “INSIDE OUT: Carla Grossini-Concha on Loving Her Daughter While Mourning Her Son, by Carla Grossini-Concha, Mutha Magazine
• “Being A Better Parent After Loss?” by Nathalie Himmelrich, Still Standing Magazine
• “Things That People Say,” by Adele Myers, Literary Mama
• “6 Tips for Navigating Baby & Mama Groups with your Baby Born after a Loss,” Pregnancy After Loss Support
• “To the Mother of a Rainbow Baby,” by Heather Spohr, The Huffington Post

How to Help a Bereaved Parent:

• “I Know a Grieving Parent,” Faith’s Lodge
• “What to Say When Someone Loses a Child,” by Lexi Behrndt, Scribbles & Crumbs
• “Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String—A Gift of Empathy for Grieving Parents,” by Carly, Still Standing Magazine
• “Helping Yourself (Or a Friend) Through a Miscarriage,” by Katie Hintz-Zambrano, Mother
• “Coming Home,” by Catherine Keating, Pregnancy After Loss Support
• “36 Things To Do For Those In Grief,” by Chase Reeves, Medium
• Helping a Friend Through a Miscarriage, course by Meagan Schultz
• “If There Were Greeting Cards for Grief,” by Heather Spohr, The Huffington Post
• “What (Not) to Say & Do to Support Someone After Babyloss,” Tiny Giant Losses
• “Happy Mother’s Day: 7 Tips for Speaking with a Bereaved Mother,” by Monica Wesolowska, Modern Loss
• “What to Say—And What Not to Say After Someone Has a Miscarriage,” by Jessica Zucker, Bitch Magazine
• Pregnancy Loss Cards by Jessica Zucker and Anne Robin Calligraphy

About Lorenzo:

• “Ready to Fly,” On Coming Alive: Stories of rising from the ashes and coming alive, April 19, 2016
• “After Page One: Strength,” Literary Mama, November 23, 2015
• “The Stillbirth Status Updates I Really Wanted to Write: Here’s what you didn’t see on Facebook about my pregnancy loss,” Modern Loss, November 16, 2015
• “After a devastating loss, she saw hearts everywhere,” The Washington Post Magazine, October 29, 2015
• “Lorenzo’s Island,” Three Minus One: Stories of Parents’ Love and Loss (She Writes Press), April 2014
• “The Weight of Two,” Outside In Literary & Travel Magazine, Issue Seventeen, Spring 2014
• “Memoir as Survival: On Writing ‘Lorenzo’s Heart,'” www.AllysonLatta.ca, March 31, 2014
• “23 Weeks Pregnant, With ‘No Good Choices,’” The New York Times’ Motherlode, November 20, 2013
• “What More, I Say, What More?,” Literary Mama, August 2013
• “Abortion Choice Can Spare Future Pain,” San Francisco Chronicle, July 2, 2013

BLOGS & SITES:

• 1 in 10
• A Heartbreaking Choice
• Baby Boy Bakery
• By the Brooke
• Dear Olivia Madilynn
• Diary of a Little Chicken
• Faces of Loss
• Give InKind
• Glow in the Woods
• Grieve Out Loud
• Grieving Dads
• Happily Hidalgo
• HAND (Helping After Neonatal Death)
• Land of Abe
• Modern Loss
• Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
• On Coming Alive
• Reconceiving Loss
• Return to Zero
• Scribbles & Crumbs
• Share
• Stillborn and Still Breathing
• Still Life with Circles
• Still Standing Magazine
• The Windy (City) Wilsons
• Through the Heart
• Tiny Giant Losses
• Tommy’s
• Unspoken Grief
• Wanted Chosen Planned
• White Signs of Grief

AUDIO/VIDEO:

• “Amelia’s Light,” by Allison
• “The Power of Empathy,” words by Dr. Brené Brown, animated by RSA Shorts
• “Beyond Closure: Nancy Burns at TEDxDesMoines“
• “Why I Don’t Want My Miscarriage To Stay Secret,” by Jennifer Chen, produced and originally published by BuzzFeed
• Still Loved (2017 documentary on stillbirth), by Big Buddha Films
• “The Grief of What Could Have Been,” by Justine Brooks Froelker, Ever Upward
• “We See You,” spoken by Lexi Read, posted by Today.com/parents
• “This Video Game Will Break Your Heart,” by Chris Suellentrip, The New York Times
• Tiny Giant Losses Podcast
• “Touched by Share,” nationalshare.org

RETREATS/COURSES:

• An Invitation to Grieve
• Helping a Friend Through a Miscarriage
• Faith’s Lodge
• Meadowlark Retreats
• Return to Zero Healing Retreats
• Tara May, Ph.D. Child Loss Grief Mentoring

STORIES & INFORMATION ABOUT HLHS & CHD:

• American Heart Association/Single Ventricle Defects
• Asher James Congenital Heart Disease & Thrombosis Foundation & Asher James: Your Story
• “10 Things You Need to Know About Congenital Heart Disease,” by Lexi Behrndt, Scribbles & Crumbs
• I Love Liam Lyon
• “A Mission of Mercy,” by Seema Jilani, The New York Times
• Mending Hearts and Bending Knees

HOW WE HONOR, CREATE, & HEAL:

• “Capture Your Grief,” by CarlyMarie, CarlyMarie Project Heal
• “Mom Remembers Her 11 Miscarriages With Heartbreaking Photos,” by Caroline Bologna, The Huffington Post
• Chain-Link Heart Project
• “Patrick’s First Christmas,” by Valerie Meek, Meek Manor
• “Wish You Were Here,” by Andrea Meyer, Modern Loss
• “‘The Work’ as a Babyloss Healing Healing Tool,” Tiny Giant Losses

May you be healed. May you be a source of healing for this world.

—Buddhist blessing