I don’t often swoon here. I do a great deal of processing, both to continue my own healing and to hopefully help others who have joined what San Francisco writer and new loss mom Katie Coyle beautifully deemed our “Dark Sisterhood.” Weaving in the grief journey is my second nature. And it’s endless. But so—I pray with all the will I have—is the joy of H. And I need to swoon for a moment and share some of the off-the-charts adorableness she has been up to lately. This post is for H. at 18 months.

• “Hugs!” is her new command. Ever since she figured out how to give them, her hugs have been incredible. Her arms wrap around my neck. Her sweet, giddy voice hums in my ear. Her tight squeeze embraces me whole. She means it when she hugs. And I melt every time. She hugs her animals and her friends, too. She is also a smartie and has started employing this sweetness as a way out of situations she’s grown tired of, i.e., the shopping cart. When she reaches her arms up and shouts, “Hugs!”, it works every time.

• “Mama” was a first word, but now she is really using it. Where she used to whimper for what she wanted, now she calls me by the name she has given me. When she wakes up in the morning, “mama-mama-mama” is the first word she speaks and the first I hear. I bound out of bed toward that summoning.

• We are raising a dog lover. Well, Ruby is. H. has known her since the day she came home from the hospital. Ruby is a willing lounge chair, playmate, and recipient of those incredible H. hugs. It’s beautiful to see H. extend that love to our friends’ dogs, too. To see nothing of fear. Unfortunately, we will have to teach her some of that, to be cautious around what we don’t know. Right now, her true nature is untarnished by hesitation. To witness such purity is remarkable.

• She is already a heart collector. Since June, she’s been saying it, first “har” and now the fully finished word. She points them out in her books or on her clothes. Hearts, needless to say, abound in our house. I marvel at all those we will find together as she grows. At some point, she will understand what hearts mean to our family and why we look for them. On some level, I’m sure she already does.

• She reads all the books. This may be our favorite ritual these toddler days. We’ve done it since she was itty-bitty. Now, she walks over to the shelf and picks out exactly what she wants to read. She says “again” or “all done” after each. This week’s go-tos are The Gruffalo, anything with Spot or Hello Kitty, and Madeline. When she finds something she particularly adores—a bunny or a bird—she leans her cheek against the page and hugs the book, too.

• She reminds me so much of Ryan. They look like twins, for starters. And they already play music together. I hope she also gets his patience, his calming outlook on the world, and his tendency to see clearly and quickly what is a big deal and what just isn’t.

H. is 18 months. She is our biggest deal, full of love and joy and wonder. Over all of it, I swoon.