It’s 2013, a brand new year. It’s one of the more predictable things I’ve been waiting for amid all that’s unpredictable about this journey and all I wait for to emerge from it. In many ways that cross the heart, the waiting has felt like the thing. But as 2012 narrowed down to its inevitable close, Ryan, Ruby, and I decided to take a serious break from the waiting and set off on a nine-day, off-the-grid road trip to and through Chile’s famed Lake District. We stopped in Pucón, Frutillar, and Vichiquen, with side trips to Caburgua, Carelmapu, and Punta de Lobos. Some 800-1,000 kilometers from Santiago, it was the farthest south we have ever tred. It was the Chile I’ve wanted to see for some time. It was peaceful and it was necessary.

Lake Villarrica, Pucón, Chile.

Upon returning, there is much to report… stunning volcanoes and three cabins near three lakes…

Lake Llanquihue and Orsono Volcano, Frutillar, Chile.

The joy of watching our city pup discover all that abounds in the great outdoors…

Ruby Girl, ready for the adventure.

A three-hour hike in the intermittent rain straight up a mountain and a few days of blissfully burned-out muscles as a result…

Mountain hike outside Pucón. And that horse!

Drives over 22 kilometers of gravel road in order to arrive at a more-or-less private beach (and Ruby’s first!) except for the few others who elected to do the same…

It took a minute for Ruby to recognize Ryan in his wetsuit emerging from the ocean.

Dinners from the grill and thunderstorms…

The rain didn’t dampen a thing–quite the opposite.

A lakeside piano/opera concert to celebrate our second wedding anniversary and a sun that didn’t truly set until 10 PM…

Quiet before the “End of the Year” concert at Teatro del Lago, Frutillar.

A welcome sunset at Lago Vichiquen, after a long drive navigating dirt roads that literally weren’t on the map…

This was the shortest leg of the trip. We’ll have to go back someday.

A New Year’s Eve jaunt back to Punta de Lobos, where Ryan and I also rang in 2011 when we honeymooned there two years ago. Last year, we went to celebrate our birthdays, when I was newly pregnant and we were the only ones who knew and Lorenzo was still with us in some way. This time, we got to share the special place with Ruby Girl…

Punta de Lobos, Chile

As well as countless cows, horses, sheep, birds, pigs, chickens, and all the sweet street pups we met along the way…

Happening upon a herd of cattle, as you do.

Not to mention all the hearts! We found them shaped into clouds, tree stumps, M&Ms, bell peppers, chalk, shadows, sand, windows, raindrops, a shockingly symmetrical pile of cow dung (I kid you not), and the curved necks of two pink flamingos on the t-shirt Ryan gave me to commemorate the “cotton” part of our second anniversary.

Heart-shaped tree stump. Check out more hearts from the trip here.

At the same time, there is really just the basic principle to relay: We were good to ourselves and went away as a family to a beautiful corner of the world. We felt grateful for the clean air in our lungs, our pup running free past our feet, and the beauty of a landscape far older and wiser than any of us walking along it.

My family.

A few weeks ago, I wrote that we skipped Christmas in order to do so, and while that was true in terms of the ceremony and tradition that felt impossible this year, I hope it’s clear that it wasn’t true in terms of sentiment, of finding peace in this world together with the person you love, of thinking of family and friends back home, and of remembering this as a time of year for giving to those in need. So, instead of wrapping up presents, Ryan and I made donations to the hospital where Lorenzo went from this world to the next. We gave to the babies fighting for their lives in the NICU there and to the families who have already lost there and are seeking counsel at the bereavement center. One is the place Lorenzo did not struggle; the other is the place we would go ourselves if we were back in California. Because, of course, while we think of Lorenzo with each waking day, we think of all the others like him, like us.

Lakeside picnic at Lake Caburgua.

I want to carry that awareness forward into this year, so I’m becoming an official volunteer at the local orphanage I visited before we left for our trip. It came to be as many things that seem fated do. The same day I learned that Ryan and I have to continue to wait some time to grow our family I received an email that extra volunteers were needed. Would I join them in holding babies and playing games with the older kids?

Yes, I would.

Heart in the sky above Ruta 5, Chile.

Sometimes, it turns out, the road trip takes place right where you live. So, I road out on a metro, then a bus, and then walked for many blocks with a group of women across ages and reasons for being here in Santiago. But it didn’t take long to understand why each of us felt called to spend our time with these children. Most of us had, in some way, lost profoundly… a child, one pregnancy or several, the hope of a biological child, a marriage. It was stunning, really, when I think about how much we revealed of ourselves waiting on a park bench for everyone to arrive or riding out on a bus once we did. It’s equally stunning how all of our stories, how all of “our” selves slipped away the moment we were in a room with those children. Little ones who just wanted to be picked up and held. Little ones who just wanted to play telephone. Little ones who just wanted to give you a sticker when it was literally all they had. It was heart-breaking and heart-filling, and as we know well of me by now, it’s all about the heart these days.

Heart in the sand, Carelmapu, Chile.

On the road with Ryan and Ruby, I couldn’t stop thinking about those little ones and the ones who care for them full-time while they are waiting, too, to hopefully be placed back with their families in some way or with a new family if not. The ones I met are mostly one and two years old. They are babies. They are innocent. They are as stunning as any vista we saw on our trip. They are more so. For two hours in the middle of the day, they make all the waiting go away and I hope we do the same for them this new year.